The iO West Popcorn to be Everyman’s bitch in a Mexican prison




The iO West Popcorn, who was recently taken into custody after being caught soliciting sexual services inside the Diego Rivera Museum in Guanajuato, México, has been held in a Guanajuato jail awaiting extradition to the United States.

According to sources newly close to the foodstuff, the iO West Popcorn was immediately jumped into a gang called The Ring whose ring leader, Everyman, is a notorious popcorn lover.

Everyman developed his taste for the treat as a boy of limited means in nearby San Miguél de Allende where he would watch movies through people’s windows. He would eat mock popcorn, taking bites as the movie-watchers took bites, developing inadvertent improv skills, making his future hunger for the iO West Popcorn, a born improviser, inevitable. Some with more education than Everyman might even say “serendipitous.”

What Everyman doesn’t know, is that the iO West Popcorn is not a reluctant gang member. He is happy to be in Everyman’s grip. He is hoping that Everyman will one day take him to the Mummy Museum where he is sure not to solicit any sex since the bulk of the mummies are women and children.

Because the trajectory (Everyman might say “path”) of the iO West Popcorn is heading to hell (someone with even less education than Everyman might use the cliché “hell in a hand basket”) friends and family of the iO West Popcorn, especially the iO West Popcorn’s brother, Popcorn with Truffles and Parmesan, are asking the public to gather together and, in homage, lick their fingers -- and, in the spirit of prison, one another's fingers -- with the hope that this form of unity might function as prayer so that the iO West Popcorn might be back in the metacarpals and pericardia (no need to define; Everyman will have plenty of time to study anatomy in prison) of iO West improvisers soon.