Hog Post #5

Arnold as Matt as Santa

Because Matt Craig is a lot like Santa Claus - jolly, kind and nimble - he has blessed us this holiday with a Hog Post.

If you've forgotten what a Hog Post is, it's a blog post in Harold form - iO West's signature blog post.

If you've forgotten who Matt Craig is, he's an Emmy-nominated SNL writer, the ultimate half of popular sketch and improv duo FrankenMatt (it's Christmas, so think frankincense) and a beloved instructor of all levels of sketch and improv.

While Santa's sleigh is pulled by deer, Matt Craig's is pulled by words. But more than nine because that's how weighty and full of gifts Matt Craig's wit is.

Based on the suggestion "wipe":

Wipe, swipe, type, computer, data, information

An air traffic controller, finally getting some down time, opts to go to the bathroom.

*ALERT* A request for an emergency landing!

A bread crumb trail of toilet paper down the hallway.

SOS, SPF, UPS, UFO, ET, ER, OR

Two surgeons, Drs. Needle and Kaplan, working dedicatedly over an open-heart patient.

“This is the crucial moment, Dr. Needle. It’s life or death right now.”

“I’m sorry. I was daydreaming. What was that?”

Space, race, ethnic, ethic, conduct, behavior, human

It’s all set! Two of each! One male, one female!

Line up here to be saved from the flood!

But where is the Ark?

“I knew I forgot something.”

Err, stumble, stubble, whisker, razor, wipe

Craig Kringle's suggestion for the next Hog Post: "opinion."

If you feel so inclined, email your Hog Post based on that suggestion to ak@shebelazy.com.

And have a memorable Christmas, Chanukkah and New Year!

Hog Post #4

A Hog Post is a blog post written in Harold form.

The following Hog Post, written by actress Mishell Livio, is based on the suggestion: "personal."

Personal. Hygiene. Bubble Boy. Obsessive cleanliness.

When I was a kid I was incredibly germ phobic.  
I would wash my hands and face and swish my mouthwash obsessively.  
I liked talking to people and observing them, but I was not a hugger.

Hugging. Friendship. Fake friends. Barbie.

My Barbies are all packed away in a small pink suitcase with all of their accessories and clothing.
Most of their clothing consists of dresses and skirts.  
I'm pretty sure I cut most of their hair off to make them tougher.

Hair Cut.  Bangs.  Sandra Markarian.  Karaoke.

I love singing. 
My life would be a musical if more people would duet with me.  
I have a tendency to go to karaoke bars and pick songs that
I think I know, and then, when it is my turn to sing, I not only don't know the words, I also don't know the tempo or melody, and  I generally just start to ramble, doing musical riffs and dancing.

Dancing.  Ballet.  New York City.  Family. Personal.

The suggestion for the next writer: "wipe."

Email your Hog Post based on that suggestion to ak@shebelazy.com.

For inspiration, perhaps peruse previous posts:

Hog Post #1
Hog Post #2
Hog Post #3

And sign up for the upcoming session of classes at iO West, so the Harold can become an inexpungible part of your life.

Hog Post #3

A Hog Post is a blog post written in Harold form.

Comedy writer John Marshall, author of Hog Post #2, left for the next writer the one-word suggestion "material."

Following is what "Top Story! Weekly" producer-writer-actor-director Mike Hughes conceived based on that suggestion:

Material,  Material Girl, Madonna, '80's, Reagan, trickle down, rain, reign, Diana, hunter

My friends would go hunting in the morning before high school started.

Which seemed kind of a weird thing to do for a prep school.

I guess it helped that the school was in the middle of a forest.

Forest, DeForest Kelley, Star Trek, Bones, Emily Deschanel, Zooey, New Girl

I haven't watched many of the new fall shows.

Even the ones that have people I know on them.

Something that happens more often as you kick around this town.

Kick, INXS, auto-erotic asphyxiation, teenage kicks, thrill-seeking, skydiving

I got together today with an old friend.

We talked about whether we'd ever go skydiving.

Neither of us would, because there's really no point to jumping out of an airplane.

Airplane, army, career, manly, hunting

Mike's suggestion for the next writer: "personal."

Now, while the official form is:

• An opening word rif based on the suggestion
• Three sentences that introduce something, developing one or more themes that emerged during the opening
• Another word rif that is slightly more pointed or patterned and that is based even more on themes that have so far emerged
• Three more sentences that heighten the "game" of the first set of sentences
• Another even more pointed/patterned word rif 
• Three more sentences that either heighten the game of the first two sets of senteces or resolve/reverse/turn or involve an ironic twist
• One final word rif that ends with, or near, the original suggestion

As with any Harold, form should not trump ingenuity.

So take the suggestion "personal" and run with it.

Email your Hog Post to ak@shebelazy.com. See if yours is chosen to appear in the iO West blogspot blog.  

Hog Posts to date:

Hog Post #1
Hog Post #2

Hog Post #2

The form of the Hog Post (blog post written in Harold form) as I envisioned it when I first thunk it up: 

• An opening word rif based on the suggestion
• Three sentences that introduce something, developing one or more themes that emerged during the opening
• Another word rif that is slightly more pointed or patterned and that is based even more on themes that have so far emerged
• Three more sentences that heighten the "game" of the first set of sentences
• Another even more pointed/patterned word rif 
• Three more sentences that either heighten the game of the first two sets of senteces or resolve/reverse/turn/involve an ironic twist
• One final word rif that ends with, or near, the original suggestion

BUT, as with the Harold, structure should not trump authentic ingenuity.

A Harold is really just a personalized and collective rif off of the opening suggestion.

Here, then, is Emmy-nominated comedy writer John Marshall's Hog Post based on the suggestion "wrinkle."

WRINKLE

Twinkle, tinkle, blinkle, crinkle, Leon Spinks, drinks at dinner

Rip Van Winkle woke from his slumber and saw someone standing before him.

“Who is that,” he asked, “Leon Spinks?”

“I am Mr. Blinkle,” said a crinkly-faced man, who was tinkling in his drink.

Wake, bake, shake, cake, take, break, quake

The earth quaked and the building began to shake.

“Everyone stand under a doorway,” said Henderson.

“I don’t even know you, man,” said Jenkins.

Man, plan, Stan, grand, flan, Trans Am, Spam, blam

Stan kicked the tire of his Trans Am.

“Hey, do I go kicking you?” said the tire.

“I didn’t know you could talk,” said Stan.

“Live and learn,” said the tire.

Learn, earn, burn, roast, toast, ghost, most, Mickey, Minnie, Vinnie

John's suggestion for the next writer: "Material."

Submit via email to ak@shebelazy.com your own Hog Post based on the suggestion "material."

Hog Post #1

A Hog Post is a blog post written in Harold form. 

For this Hog Post, the suggestion is "Fat."

fat, phat, dope, cope, mope, saunter, slouch, sleep

A phat cat came into my lap the other day, so I pet it.
It purred.
Then it bit my thumb - that doggone cat.

bite, eat, devour, gorge, stuff, explode, fall from the sky like ash

A girl came over to my house the other day and asked if I wanted to hang out.
I baked her a pie and kissed her.
Then she stole my money.

fall for her, fall for it, fall over, fall out, fallout, fall flat, fall fat, fat cat

The big cheese invited me into his office.
He sat me in a neighboring understuffed chair, puffed on his cigar, and squinted.
Then gave me a big fat bonus.

big bonus, big cheese, big boss, fat boss, fat cat, phat cat, big juicy cat that's phat

Submit via e-mail to ak@shebelazy.com your own Hog Post using the suggestion "wrinkle."